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garnetdoll's Journal


garnetdoll's Journal

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4 entries this month
 

14:07 Jul 27 2009
Times Read: 553


What a horrible week the last several days has been. Had one of the kids move back home---again, but was told it is only until their new apartment is ready. Yeah, well, we’ll see.



Guess I shouldn’t complain, I mean at least she’s able to come home unlike the one that called me Mom who was expecting her first baby…lost them both last week due to damage done to her heart from an eating disorder. My whole world feels numb at the moment; I just can’t believe she’s gone.


COMMENTS

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Lordpeace
Lordpeace
09:12 Aug 02 2009

hugs you oh honey i know that hurt





 

15:09 Jul 14 2009
Times Read: 564


Funny how one person can make you feel so off balance.



How do people do it? I mean how do they find their way around broken trust? Is there actually a way to get over that? Yeah, I know I have had broken trust before, and all I can say is it took me time to deal with it all, but I must admit I have no way to really get over it.



I trusted my first husband and look what that got me. That got me broken bones, raped and abused. It took me over 5 years to trust enough to marry again. But, you know, even now after being married to my new husband for the last 10 years, I still flinch when he makes sudden movements and he has never raised a hand to me in anger…and old arguments I had with the first husband get remembered when similar situations come up and I find myself wanting to curl up into a tight ball and go off somewhere to cry. I don’t think those feelings will ever truly go away, it’s always there in the back of your mind just ready to spring up when you’re facing similar circumstances.



I’ve been told I hold onto things too much and that I need to let it go, but come on…can anyone ever really do that? I mean come on, you do have a brain, you do carry with you all past experiences that have aided in shaping you as the person you are. How does one truly ever just ‘let it go’?



I see the new messages in my inbox, people who are reaching out wanting to get to know me and form new friendships, I really do want that, but at the same time I feel overwhelmed and I am trying so hard to fight that horrible feeling of just wanting to hide and go off to lick my wounds. What can I say? Trust was broken yet again in my life and I feel off balance at the moment. So once again I have to learn to somehow get through it and learn to cope and trust all over again.


COMMENTS

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Lordpeace
Lordpeace
09:13 Aug 02 2009

i am always always here for you doll





 

07:23 Jul 14 2009
Times Read: 566


Ahhhhhhh, finally, I am completely out of the old house and into my new beautiful 1930 Country French home! I LOVE all the glass French doors and windows. This is the largest home I have ever lived in; I think I am rattling around in here a bit though. But, it’s a good rattle!



Who would have ever thought that moving only 3 houses away from where I did live would be the hardest move I have ever made? Whew, but it has been, it’s been extremely rough.



There have been a few times when I thought I needed my head examined for wanting this place so much, but it suits me, it really does. This home and I seem to have been made for each other, in spite of all the ups and downs that have come along to stall, delay and cause one headache after another, but it’s worth it, it truly is.



This house was built in 1930 and when I say it’s huge, trust me, it is! I have watched this house ever since we moved out here to this little peaceful village of Utica Ohio. It went up for sell a little over 2 years ago because the owner at that time was headed for foreclosure. We couldn’t swing it back then, but man, if only we could have gotten it when it did go into foreclosure it would have been a steal! Anyway, it sold after it went into foreclosure and I thought, oh well, better luck next time. I just figured it meant that something else was out there that might be better or at the very least just as nice…Well, about 3 months after it sold and no one was moving into it I noticed the for sale sign once again. I couldn’t believe it, I had another shot at it and this time we were in a better position to get it.



Turns out the new owner’s wife had an accident a few days after they bought it, she broke her hip and leg in several places. Since this home has all the bedrooms and the full bath upstairs she could no longer climb the stairs they decided to put it up for sale. Please don’t get me wrong here, I feel awful the lady was hurt so bad, but I am so happy to see a lifelong dream to live in a house this age and this style come true for me…is that so horrible? Anyway, at the point we were finally able to get the house it had stood empty for nearly 2 years, it needs a lot of TLC!



Not only did it need a major cleaning and repainting we found many problems with leaks, and wiring issues and botched repairs that needed to be fixed, it held up the overall move and set me back on my time schedule. What should have only taken about two weeks to do ended up taking me over a month. One of the cleaning jobs was to tackle the stove top, not the ovens mind you, although they were in pretty bad need as well, but just the stove top alone ended up taking me 5 days to clean. Hopefully that gives you an overall picture of just how filthy the owners from 2 years ago really were. On the 3rd day of cleaning on the stove top I was in tears. I would wake up at 8 in the morning and start cleaning by 9 and I didn’t stop until 8 or 9 at night, 11 to 12 hours a day for 5 days cleaning a stove top! It took 3 more days to do the built in ovens. Three days to paint the living room, 2 and half days to paint the kitchen, and as for my formal dining room that looks like something out of one of those glamorous old classic movies, we haven’t been able to even start painting yet. There was a leak in the ceiling that had to be repaired and the contractors have been promising to return for a month to finish the patched ceiling after the repair was made but of course we haven’t seen them again and we can’t paint in there until the ceiling is done.



Now, take all of what I just said and picture me doing almost all of it alone, without any help at all! That’s right, I did most of it all by myself. My husband had to leave for his annual training with the National Guard and was not here to help until about a week and a half ago. I felt more than overwhelmed to say the very least.



As I said, this has been the toughest move I have ever gone through! I have moved across town, hell, I have even moved over an hour away from one county to another and it wasn’t as hard as this has been. But, I am in my new home at long last, my dream home, where I do not ever intend to move from…so I guess I have to look at the whole thing like that old adage, nothing this good comes easy.


COMMENTS

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Lordpeace
Lordpeace
09:15 Aug 02 2009

well we moved into our new home saturday last and are still trying to get everything together a couple of days off from work wasnt enough but amn i am to dedicated to this job should have taken a week oh well i have a library/office how cool is that





 

01:53 Jul 10 2009
Times Read: 575






fair-weather friend :

A friend who is only nice to you when it's convenient.

Someone who's wishy-washy.

Someone who is a "backstabber."

Someone who abandons you in certain situations.

COMMENTS

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Lordpeace
Lordpeace
09:15 Aug 02 2009

always here








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